Satisfied: Mar 23 - 29

Your word, O Lord, is eternal... Your faithfulness continues through all generations... Your laws endure to this day, for all things serve You. 
Ps. 119:89-91


MONDAY
Henry got two more shots today. So naturally we went straightaway to Rita's for a treat.

While we were in the same shopping center, I stopped in Jo-Ann for some buttons I needed for a few projects. Henry entertained himself.

The sweet thing about this moment was that I remember fabric shopping with my mom, as a little girl, and when she'd be scrounging the aisles for the best deals, my sister and I would sift through the bins of loose buttons. Now that I reflect on it, I wonder if they were there purely for entertaining restless kids stuck with shopping mamas, and not actually for purchasing. Each bin had a rubber hand puppet, the kind you might get in a fast food kids meal, as a scoop. (If you're dying to know, I'm fairly sure they were these. My sister might remember for sure.) So we could scoop up a puppet-ful of buttons, dump them out, match colors, bicker over favorites, and then pour them back into the bin. It was endlessly fun. It's an isolated memory, one that doesn't have much context, but one that I can almost feel with all my senses all over again. The smell of the rubber puppet, the texture of buttons on child skin, the rainstick sound of falling buttons... My childhood is a bin of memories, each differently textured, many unmatched, some hard to find again once they're dumped back, others always seeming to be at the surface.

I'm aware of this as I'm raising my son, mindful of the memories he's storing and the moments that he'll return to in his mind over and over again.


FRIDAY
It's been a satisfying week. A few specific triumphs:
- Henry's naps are back on track. After a few weeks of short and unpredictable afternoon naps, he's back on track with a shorter morning nap and a slightly longer afternoon nap.
- The new bathroom has a coat of primer and is ready for real paint!
- There was no snow this week!
- Pete decided to eat fruits and veggies - just fruits and veggies - for lunch every day this week. Packing lunches was a breeze.
- I sorted through all my old jewelry, found a few special things to keep and purged most of the remaining items.
- We hosted friends for a yummy dinner.
- I'm spearheading a 10-Year Reunion for my high school class.
- As of today, Henry's sign language vocabulary includes two words: "Please" and "All done." 

Taking joy in these little gifts tonight as we share an extra large supreme pizza (it's Friday, after all!) and head into a lazy weekend.


SUNDAY
Even in the most satisfying of times, discontentment scurries across the mind. At first it's hard to identify. "Was that resentment? Am I dissatisfied?" It's ignored, allowed to stay. So restlessness chews out little holes and breeds in dark corners, sneaking into passageways and crawlspaces and reappearing in the least likely parts of life. Lovely gifts are suddenly not lovely enough. Life fails to meet a standard. Expectations are unfair and unreasonable. The dream home that you've loved is no longer what you want. Suddenly discontentment is everywhere. You find it when you look in the fridge, when you fold up the laundry, when you dust your second-hand furniture, and you definitely find it when you open pinterest and instagram.

I used to look at my gorgeous old home and see charm, history, elegance, and a fifty-year future as a treasured family estate. Lately, all I see is chipping paint, cracking plaster, creaking floors, disintegrating roof, leaking basement, wasted space, too much dust, and a big fat mortgage bill swallowing paychecks every month.

Today our new bathroom has a first fresh coat of Americana Blue and it's stunning. But all I can think about are all the things that aren't good enough. When my bathroom is complete, will I be satisfied? When every room in my house resembles the pinterest board I've assembled, when all my clothes match the 'essential wardrobe' pictures in the magazines, when all my menus are planned a week in advance and all my groceries are organic and stored in a spotless fridge, when our mortgage is paid, and when my daily schedule includes hours for reading and writing, will discontentment be squashed?

I need an Exterminator for these swarms of dissatisfied thoughts.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth," says the One who comes to eradicate the nests of discontentment. "Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? In my Father's house are many rooms and I am going there to prepare a place for you. In this world you will have trouble but take heart. I have overcome the world!"

And every day, if I'll let Him, He overcomes the bitter this-isn't-good-enough thoughts that infest me, sweeping my mind clean again. Satisfaction does not require perfection. In fact, it grows best in the rich soil of an imperfect life. In a home that cracks and creaks, my soul can be satisfied as if living in Cinderella's palace. In a tired outfit worn a few too many times, my soul can be content as if wearing the latest J Crew. Things cannot satisfy. The soul finds contentment and peace in His unseen kingdom or not all.

Scripture references from Matthew 6:19, Matthew 6:25, John 14:2, John 16:33, and Psalm 63:1&5.

Here's that Americana Blue:

Grateful this week for:
fresh blue paint
a last hug
kind vaccine nurse
felt chair footies
semisweet chocolate chips
painters tape
high school yearbook